"YOU WERE NEVER A TRUE CHRISTIAN!" - NO TRUE CHRISTIAN FALLACY

 

NO TRUE CHRISTIAN FALLACY

FORM

Person A: "No Christian ever leaves Christianity."
Person B: "But I was a Christian and I left Christianity. "
Person A: "But no true Christian ever leaves Christianity."

This accusation is a classic "no true Scotsman" argument because it attempts to redefine ad-hoc what a Christian is. According to the definition, no person could ever have been a Christian if they leave Christianity at some point in the future.

It would be impossible using this criteria - the abandoning of a religion - to determine who, among current Christians, is actually a "true Christian". How many unwitting imposters attend church every week? How come the true Christians were never able to "sniff these impostors out" while these "fakes" were still attending the same religious rituals as obediently as possible? This is clearly absurd.

Mandatory Bible Verse For Trew Kristyuns: 1 Samuel 16:7 “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (In other words, according to this bible verse, you cannot tell who is, or is not, a true Christian. Only God knows.)

 

WHAT IS A JESUS JINGLE?

Jesus Jingles are banal "Jesus is my boyfriend" chouses interspersed with the "Pente Mantra".

For decades in Christianity I witnessed "worship" as singing Jesus Jingles to the fictitious mythical Christ of Faith (all denominations). The jingles weren't even addressed to God. However, in all but Catholic and Anglican churches, singing Jesus Jingles is the main feature of a Sunday service. There is nothing similar in any part of contemporary secular culture. "Join us at our Worship Service" means "Join with us to sing Jesus Jingles in our crowd". 

I honor, respect and love my wife. I don't sing to her: "Praise the wife! Hallelu-wife! Glory to the wife of this household! You're the best wife in all the universe! Bless the wife, oh my soul! Worship her holy name. Sing like never before, my soul". If I organised a time to sing this weekly to my wife she'd be seeking to get me urgent psychiatric help. Yet this is exactly how Christians treat the fictional mythical Christ of Faith. This is the Pente Mantra.

I parodied this in an original song: "Hallelujah! Please the hordes! Bless the Lord one way! Glory to God I speak in tongues and talk in trite cliches!"

The historical Jesus of Nazareth, a practising Jew, would be horrified if he he returned to earth today and heard this banal nonsense.

GOD versus JESUS - Yeshayahu 9:5 versus Isaiah 9:6

 

An example of a totally different translation and thus a totally different meaning.

Yeshayahu (Isaiah) 9:5* (Jewish Tanach) - For a child has been born to us, a son given to us, and the authority is upon his shoulder, and the wondrous adviser, the mighty God, the everlasting Father, called his name, "the prince of peace."

Isaiah 9:6 KJV - For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

* Note the different verse number, the different tense and the different subjects of the adjectives.

So ...

- Is God called the the wondrous adviser, the mighty God, the everlasting Father?

or

- Is Jesus called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace?

If "a child has been born" (past tense) then that child cannot be the historical Jesus of Nazareth as he was not born at the time that Isaiah was written (circa 740 to 700 BCE).

THE GOZPULL OV STRUTH - The follow up to the Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy

 The Gozpull ov Stooth is a joy for those who’ve sent money to the Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd and thus received Wind from the Farta of Strooth, that they might know him through the power of the Wind that came from his fullness. They call him the “Savor.” That’s the name of the work he’ll do to rope in those who had become ignorant of the Farta. And the term “the Gozpull” is the marketing ploy of Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd.

When the upside is downside, and the downside is upside, the upside down Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd shall be manifested.

When the inside comes outside, in a mighty gust of Wind, from both ends, at the same time, then the Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd shall be manifested.

When a well hasn’t been covered, you can fall into it. So too you can fall into the endless pablum of Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd books. They had paid reviews written by Je$u$. Because of this:

Je$u$ was happy,
Je$u$ was clappy,
Je$u$ was happy clappy,
and Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd published lots of books that were #1 in the subject area of Wotifness.

Oh, what a deal we’ve got for you! Buy a book, pay-walled article, or t-shirt and get one free!!! Wait, there’s more. Buy within the next 24 hours and get a free Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd Tin Foul Hat!!!!

Emptying himself of Wind,
he made lots of money,
stripped himself of the losers,
and clothed himself in designer suits,
which no one else could afford.

When he entered his chamber, he passed Wind, proclaiming the things that are from the bottom of his heart. Teaching everyone about Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd.

Now those who will receive this teachun are the giving who are written in the Book of the Giving. They receive teachun, and they receive it from the Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd.

 

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 111 to 114

 

Saying 111:

Je$u$ said, "When you know the secret to Quantum Incoherence then the xiffy treckloof will zip around the quertiferous bingbong in front of you, and whoever lives to tell the tale will be blessed."

Saying 112:

Je$u$ said, "What the hell am I saying? Doc, give me more of those pills!”


Saying 113:

His dissiples said to him, "When will the police come?"

"They won't come unless some disloyal Quantum Incoherent Follower snitches on me. But the Quantum Incoherence protection Team ensures that never happens. Let those who want to keep their toes, listen."

Saying 114:

Simone Peta said to them, "Mary should leave us, because she’s a bitch."

Je$u$ said, "Look, I don’t care about bitches if they are loyal Trew Quantum Incoherence Followers who buy my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts. Nothing else matters."

THE END
of
The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 101 to 110

 

Saying 101:

"Whoever doesn't place their ageing father and mother into a nursing home in order to have much more time to sell more of my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts, isn’t a loyal Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower."

Saying 102:

Je$u$ said, "How awful for those who don’t buy my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts. They won’t be blessed by Quantum Incoherence."

Saying 103:

Je$u$ said, "Blessed are those who know Quantum Incoherence. They can get defend it with quotes from my books, my pay-walled articles and my t-shirts”

Saying 104:

They said to Je$u$, "Come, let's go and get pissed today."

Je$u$ said, "Whose paying?”

They said "We are.”

So Je$u$ and the dissiples went and got pissed.

Saying 105:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever steals money before it’s put in the Quantum Incoherence Bank Account will be called a bastard."

Saying 106:

Je$u$ said, "When you make the two into one, and the three into six, then seven ate nine and ... Wow! Did you see that flying unicorn?"

He was off his face that day.

Saying 107:

Je$u$ said, "Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd can be compared to a shepherd who had a hundred sheep and then got a million more."

Saying 108:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever iuly rewing ou oh dafgeh jey herb ik oun piggy wiggy ....”

He was off his face that day too.

Saying 109:

Je$u$ said, "Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd can be compared to someone who had a treasure hidden in their backyard. No-one knew about it. Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd wants it that way forever."

Saying 110:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever has won the lottery and become rich should donate it to Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd."

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 91 to 100

 

Saying 91:

They said to him, "Tell us what this is in your painting."

He said to them, "You read the face of the sky and the earth, but you don't know what a tree and cloud are? It’s a tree and a cloud! I’m going to sign my painting and put it up in the Quantum Incoherence Art Gallery."

Saying 92:

Je$u$ said, "Look, I didn't answer your questions before and I’m not answering them now. I’m not giving away advice for free. Buy my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts to find out the answers."

Saying 93:

"I don't give a shit about your opinion. Throw it on the manure pile. Don't bother with me with stuff that doesn’t advance Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd."

Saying 94:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever knocks on my door with a large donation for Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd will be gladly received and I will open the door to receive the cash. All the rest can knock on my door for hours on end and I won’t answer. Don't bother with me with stuff that doesn’t advance Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd."

Saying 95:

Je$u$ said, "If you have money that you want to invest then invest it at Quantum Incoherence Investment Fund. After 10 years you might get some of it back in the form of a free t-shirt."

Saying 96:

Je$u$ said, "Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd can be compared to a woman who took a powder and snorted it. Anyone who has a nose to blow should blow it!"

Saying 97:

Je$u$ said, "Disloyal Quantum Incoherence Followers can be compared to a bag of dog shit from a dog with diarrhoea. While the man was walking down a long long road, the bag broke and the dog shit spilled out all over the place and over him. The moral of this story is don’t be a little shit!"

Saying 98:

Je$u$ said, "A Disloyal Quantum Incoherence Follower can be compared to a man who farted in a crowded elevator. I don’t want to be near him!"

Saying 99:

The dissiples said to him, "Your sons and daughters are standing outside."

He said to them, "How do you know? I refused to do a paternity test. Call in the Quantum Incoherence Protection Team!"

Saying 100:

They showed Je$u$ a gold coin and said to him, "Those who own it want it back.”

He said to them, "Blessed are those who donate to Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd whether they want to or not. Place it in this bag of donated cash and stay quiet.”

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 81 to 90

 Saying 81:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever has become rich should give it to me, and whoever has power should use it to help Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd."

Saying 82:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever is near me is near Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd , and whoever is far from me doesn’t know the truth of Quantum Incoherence."

Saying 83:

Je$u$ said, "Photos are good for Quantum Incoherence memes on social media, but sometimes they need to be photo-shopped."

Saying 84:

Je$u$ said, "Rejoice when you see your photo on a Quantum Incoherence page. But when you see your photo mocked on a Quantum Incoherence satire page then block it!"

Saying 85:

Je$u$ said, "I didn’t become what I am without lots of work and the inspiration of the pyramid in Egypt. If you have a go, you get a go. If you got money, it goes to me."

Saying 86:

Je$u$ said, "The foxes have dens and the birds have nests, and I have a gold plated penthouse.”

Saying 87:

Je$uS said, "How miserable am I when I haven’t sold many my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts on a particular day. Help me out and repost my ads. "

Saying 88:

Je$u$ said, "People will come to you and give you what belongs to me. You'll give that to me. What’s there’s is mine, what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine.'"

Saying 89:

Je$u$ said, "Why do you wash the wine glass after you drank from it? Through it away and use a new one. That’s what I do. "

Saying 90:

Je$u$ said, "Come to me and my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts to prove that you are a loyal Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower. You'll be blessed!"

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 71 to 80

 

Saying 71:

Je$u$ said, "I'll destroy all incriminating evidence about me, and no one will be able to find it. I pay good money for any such material. Contact me. I can also pay in crypto-coin or I can send the Quantum Incoherence Protection Team to visit your enemy for a little chat."

Saying 72:

Someone said to him, "Tell my brothers to divide our inheritance with me."

He said to him, “Only if I get 50% since they are not Trew Quantum Incoherence Followers."

He turned to his dissiples and said to them, “I’m really a multiplier for Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd."

Saying 73:

Je$u$ said, "The potential for the profit of Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd is unlimited, but Trew Quantum Incoherence Followers are few. So flood social media with Quantum Incoherence and make lots of Trew Quantum Incoherence Followers."

Saying 74:

He said, "Many are gathered at the bar, but there's nothing to drink. Who forgot to stock up the Quantum Incoherence Bar?"

Saying 75:

Je$u$ said, "Many are waiting at the Quantum Incoherence Seminar door, but only those who pay will enter the buiklding."

Saying 76:

Je$u$ said, "Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd can be compared to a multi-national company which found a way to make money. As Trew Quantun Incoherence Followers you, too, can sell my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts for the greater glory of Quantum Incoherence."

Saying 77:

Je$u$ said, "I'm all over social media thanks to Quantum Incoherence Marketing. Open your page; I'm there."

Saying 78:

Je$u$ said, "What did you go onto social media to see? A favourite page? Connect with a friend? Tough luck. I’m plastered all over social media to advertise my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts."

Saying 79:

A woman in the crowd said to him, "Blessed am I to have met you!”

He said to her, "Blessed are those who have listened to the message of Quantum Incoherence! How many of my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts do you own?'"

Saying 80:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever has found the hidden bodies better keep quiet!"

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 61 to 70

 

Saying 61:

Je$u$ said, "Two will rest on a couch. One will vomit all over the place, the other will burp."

Salami Sam said, "Who are you, Sir, to climb onto my couch and either vomit or burp?"

Je$u$ said to her, "I'm the Quantum Incoherence Expert."

Salami Sam said, "I'm a Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower. Puke or belch whenever, or wherever, you want."

Saying 62:

Je$u$ said, "I tell my mysteries of Quantum Incoherence to those who pay the right price. Don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing unless you are cutting something with a sharp knife. Then they definitely need to be co-ordinated."

Saying 63:

Je$u$ said, "There was a rich man who had much money. He said, 'I'll use my money to sow, reap, plant, and fill my barns with fruit, so that I won't need anything.' That's what he was thinking to himself, but he died that very night. Anyone who has money or expensive items should give it to me right now before you die!"

Saying 64:

Je$u$ said, "Someone planned an expensive piss up. They sent out invitations to important people like me. They hired bouncers so no riffraff could get in. Unfortunately this meant no Trew Quantum Incoherence Followers with less than $1,000,000 donation were admitted. We had a great time. Expensive things were eaten, drunk and snorted. I don’t remember much.”

Saying 65:

He said, "I owned a vineyard. I leased it out to some sharecroppers to work it so I could collect rent and a large Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd donation for protection.

I sent my accountant so that the sharecroppers could give him the cash. They seized my accountant, beat him, and nearly killed him.

"Then I sent my Quantum Incoherence Protection Team, thinking, 'Maybe they'll show some respect to my thugs … er ... Quantum Incoherence Protection Team .'

"Because they knew about my Quantum Incoherence Protection Team, they handed the cash over immediately.

“Remember that the Quantum Incoherence Protection Team works better than accountants.

Anyone who has half a brain should use it!"

Saying 66:

Je$u$ said, "Show me the iphone I threw away because it didn’t work. I want to completely destroy it so that there’s no incriminating evidence left on it."

Saying 67:

Je$u$ said, "I know everything because I went to the School of Hard Knocks and the University of Life. I’m the Quantum Incoherence Expert. Buy my books, articles, seminars and t-shirts."

Saying 68:

Je$u$ said, "Blessed are you when you start rumours and spread gossip about those who mock Quantum Incoherence. You can get a 10% discount for one item from my books, articles, seminars and t-shirts."

Saying 69:

Je$u$ said, "Blessed are those who block people on social media who mock Quantum Incoherence. You can also get a 10% discount for one item from my books, articles, seminars and t-shirts."

Saying 70:

Je$u$ said, "If you give birth to what's within you, it may just be a fart but a stifled fart can kill you."

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 51 to 60

 Saying 51:

His dissiples said to him, "When will we have rest?"

He said to them, "When you have each contributed over $1,000,000 in profit for Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd. Remember you are special Trew Quantum Incoherence Followers and can only remain in that category if you remain loyal to me.”

Saying 52:

His dissiples said to him, "Twenty-four thousand people have spoken on the Nonsense Fact Checker page, and they all spoke ill of you."

He said to them, "Don’t read that rubbish. They’re just jealous because only I know everything about Quantum Incoherence. Tell them to buy my books, articles, seminars and t-shirts on Quantum Incoherence.”

Saying 53:

His dissiples said to him, "Is circumnavigation around the truth useful, or not?"

He said to them, "Circumnavigation around the truth is always useful as I can tell everyone that my latest book is #1 on Amazon when it is really # 766,554,587,874,536. That way people buy my books! Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd matters more than the truth"

Saying 54:

Je$u$ said, "Blessed are those who are poor if they have given all their money to Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd."

Saying 55:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever doesn't financially support Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd. isn't loyal to me and is not worthy of my counselling in this book."

Saying 56:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever has known me knows that I am a profit prophet skilled in the art of Quantum Incoherence Marketing."

Saying 57:

Je$u$ said, "Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd can be compared to a pyramid in Egypt. Remember that you have to remain loyal to me to be a Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower. Loyalty means buying buy my books, articles, seminars and t-shirts."

Saying 58:

Je$u$ said, "Blessed are the people who get me out of a lot of trouble. That’s my dodgy lawyer and accountant!"

Saying 59:

Je$u$ said, "When you are dead you are dead and you are no longer a Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower unless you leave all your inheritance to me."

Saying 60:

They saw a farmer carrying a lamb to the back of his shed. He said to his dissiples, "What do you think he's going to do with that lamb?"

They said to him, "He's going to kill it and eat it."

He said to them, "While it's living, he won't eat it, but only after he kills it and it becomes a corpse."

They said, "He can't do it any other way."

He said to them, "All things are probable. Only believe! Haven’t you seen Scotty’s Raw Chicken Curry?”

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 41 to 50

 

Saying 41:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever has something in their bank account should give me more, but whoever doesn't have anything can’t be a Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower."

Saying 42:

Je$u$ said, "Become a Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower."

Saying 43:

His dissiples said to him, "Who are you to say these things to us?"

"Don't you realize who I am from what I say to you? I am the Quantum Incoherence Expert. No-one comes to Quantum Incoherence except through me."

Saying 44:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever laughs at Quantum Incoherence will not be forgiven and will be blocked on social media.”

Saying 45:

Je$u$ said, "Grapes are good for wine and hops is good for beer. As Quantum Incoherence Expert I deserve the best of both. Make sure that you buy my books, articles and seminars."

Saying 46:

Je$u$ said, "No one's been born who's so much greater than Elvis. But I say that whoever among you will donate more than a million dollars to me will become greater than Elvis. I’ll even throw in a free Quantum Incoherence t-shirt signed by me!"

Saying 47:

Je$u$ said, "It's not possible for anyone to know as much as I do about Quantum Incoherence, and it's not possible for any Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower to know more than me, because I’m the Quantum Incoherence Expert.

"No one drinks corked wine unless they are an alcoholic. I only drink the best.

"I also don’t wear old clothes. I only wear the best!"

Saying 48:

Je$u$ said, "If lots of you buy my new book on Quantum Incoherence then it will be #1 on Amazon in Incoherence. Wowsers!”

Saying 49:

Je$u$ said, "Blessed are those who buy my new book on Quantum Incoherence. Let’s make it #1 on Amazon in Incoherence!"

Saying 50:

Je$u$ said, "If they ask you, 'Where did Je$u$ come from?' tell them, 'He came from Alabama where he was a Pasta of a large Italian take-away food van in which he lived. He wasn’t making much money from it and eventually had a glorious vision. This was the Quantum Incoherence Vision! He gathered 12 dissiples together and they formed Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd. He now sells Quantum Incoherence books, articles, seminars and t-shirts. You can book him to speak at your organisation, home, school, church, circus, zoo, brothel or whatever. As long as you can pay his appearance fee he doesn’t mind where he speaks.”

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 31 to 40

 

Saying 31:

Je$u$ said, "No accountant is welcome in the Quantum Incoherence Community unless they are a Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower. These are the only people who are Trew Quantum Incoherence Accountants."

Saying 32:

Je$u$ said, "A Quantum Incoherence Bank Account can be hidden in an offshore account."

Saying 33:

Je$u$ said, "What you hear with one ear, see with both eyes, then post memes on you social media. No Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower fails to post all my advertisements about my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts. Rather, they plaster social media with it. Repetition is good and a way to show that you are loyal."

Saying 34:

Je$u$ said, "If someone who's blind claims to read my books out aloud for someone else who's blind, then they are not Trew Quantum Incoherence Followers. They should buy my audible books."

Saying 35:

Je$u$ said, "No one can steal my books, pay-walled articles, seminars and t-shirts because they are all copyrighted. Making fun of the Quantum Incoherence System is also forbidden. No Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower would do that!"

Saying 36:

Je$u$ said, "Don't be anxious from morning to evening or from evening to morning about what you'll eat. Giving to the Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd is far more important that eating."

Saying 37:

His dissiples said, "When will you appear to us? When will we see you?"

Je$u$ said, "Bloody hell! We’ve been through this before. I’m bloody standing in front of you bastards. Open up your eyes!"

His dissipole opened up their eyes and, lo and behold, Je$u$ was standing right in front of them.

Loony Luke said, “It’s a Quantum Incoherence Miracle!”

Je$u$’ dissiples all agreed and sang Je$u$ Jingles for the next two hours.

Saying 38:

Je$u$ said, "Often you've wanted to hear this message that I'm telling you, and you don't have anyone else from whom to hear it. There will be days when bastards will tell you that Quantum Incoherence is nonsense. Don’t believe them. You can only find the truth in my books, articles and seminars."

Saying 39:

Je$u$ said, "Scholars have taken knowledge and hidden it is some place called a Younaversitty. Don’t bother going there. Pay for my books, articles and seminars instead."

Saying 40:

Je$u$ said, "Someone wrote a book laughing at Quantum Incoherence! It’s not fair! Laughing causing the Quantum Incoherence Finance System to collapse!"

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 21 to 30

 

Saying 21:

Marybelle said to Je$u$, "Whom are your dissiples like?"

He said, "They're like little children squabbling in squalor. They never grow up but fully embrace Quantum Incoherence. They'll say, 'Boo hoo! Give me more Quantun Incoherence because I haven’t got enough!' They'll strip their brains bare in their Quantum Incoherence Deconstruction.

"So I say that if the owner of the house realizes the bandit is coming, they'll watch out beforehand and won't let the bandit break into the house of their domain and steal their possessions. You, then, watch out for anyone who is not a Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower! Prepare to defend yourself with platitudes, memes and denials so you always win even if you lose. May Quantum Incoherence prosper!

"When the Quantum Incoherence takes root it’s followers rejoice. Anyone who has ears to hear should hear! Don’t do a Vincent Van Gogh!"

Saying 22:

Je$u$ saw some children cursing. He said to his dissiples, "These cursing children can be compared to those who enter the Quantum Incoherence Kingdom."

They said to him, "Then we'll enter the Quantum Incoherence Kingdom as children because we curse a lot?"

Je$u$ said to them, "When you make the two Quantum Mizookles into one, and make the inner belly button like the outer belly button and the outer belly button like the inner belly button, and the upper dentures like the lower dentures, and so make the Quantum Xerpiles a single one so that no-one knows the difference; when you put your foot in your mouth to activate the Quantum Assnerbs; then you'll enter the Quantum Incoherence Kingdom."

Saying 23:

Je$u$ said, "I chose you, one out of a thousand and two out of ten thousand, and you’ll remain loyal Quantum Incoherence Followers or else!"

Saying 24:

His dissiples said, "Show us the place where you are, because we need to look for it."

He said to them, "Anyone who has eyes to see should see! I’m standing right in front of you. If you can’t see me than get some glasses!"

Saying 25:

Je$u$ said, "Love your Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower brother as your own bank account. Lie, cheat and obfuscate for them."

Saying 26:

Je$u$ said, "You see the wealth that's in your Trew Quantum Follower’s bank account, but you don't see them giving lots of money to me. Remind them of their loyalty to me otherwise the Quantum Incoherence Finance System won’t work."

Saying 27:

"If you don't attend every seminar that I hold, and buy all my books, my pay-walled articles and subscriptions to my seminars, and buy my t-shirts, then you won't find Quantum Incoherence. If you don't make make lots of money to give to me, you are not a loyal Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower."

Saying 28:

Je$u$ said, "I stood in the middle of you. I found you all drunk; I didn't find any of you sober. My bank account cried out for more money but you spent it on booze. You made my bank account a little more empty and sad. Sober up and embrace Quantum Incoherence Sober Giving."

Saying 29:

Je$u$ said, "If Quantum Incoherence came into existence because of me, that's amazing. But I'm amazed at how the Quantum Incoherence Finance System came into being based on an idea from the pyramids in Egypt."

Saying 30:

Je$u$ said, "One and one is whatever number I tell you it is. This is the truth of Quantum Incoherence Mathematical Accounting used by my accountants."

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 11 to 20

 

Saying 11:

Je$u$ said, "Your favourite TV show will disappear, and some others will disappear too. Those who are dead aren't alive, and some of those who are living are brain dead. In the days when you ate what was dead, you made sure it wasn’t rotting. When you're ice-cream is left in the sunlight, what will you do? On the day when you try to eat one, it will dribble everywhere and make a mess. But when you become my loyal follower and donate to me, buy my books, pay for my pay-walled articles, pay for a subscription to my seminars, give me tithes, offerings and love gifts above $1000 and buy my t-shirts, I’ll become happy. You want to make me happy, don’t you?"

Saying 12:

The dissiples said to Je$u$, "We know don’t know where you're going to lead us to. Where are we headed?"

Je$u$ said to them, "Wherever you get to that’s where I’ve led you. You don’t have to worry about that. Just loyally follow me and Quantum Incoherence."

Saying 13:

Je$u$ said to his dissiples, "If you were to compare me to someone, who would you say I'm like?"

Simone Peta said to him, "You're like a Quantum Megachurch Pastor."

Je$u$ took her aside and told her something special because she was special. When Simone Peta returned to her companions, they asked, "What did Je$u$ say to you?"

Simone Peta said to them, "It’s none of your business.”

Je$u$ said, “Let’s all agree that it’s none of your business.”

And they all said “Amen!” and sang Je$u$ Jingles for the next hour.

Saying 14:

Je$u$ said to them, "If you fast, you'll have more money to give to me; and if you don’t give money to me, you'll be condemned; and if you make donations, I’ll be happy.

"If they welcome you when you enter any land and go around in the countryside, say hello, eat whatever you can pinch, because it doesn’t matter if you don’t get caught. If you get caught then deny everything. This is one of my 98,765,474,406,754 greatest commandments."

Saying 15:

Je$u$ said, "When you see the human who wasn't born of a woman, then its probably an a hallucination and you’ve taken the wrong pill.”

Saying 16:

Je$u$ said, "Maybe people think that I've come to cast peace on the world, and they don't know that I've come to cast divisions on the earth against anyone who is woke. A woke person is anyone I don’t like. Where there are five woke people in a house, I’ll kick them out if I’m their landlord. They'll pack their bags and be gone."
Saying 17:

Je$u$ said, "I'll sell you a Quantum Incoherence that no eye has ever seen, no ear has ever heard, no hand has ever touched, and no human mind has ever thought. I’m the greatest Quantum Incoherence Guru."

Saying 18:

The dissiples said to Je$u$, "Tell us about our goal. What is it?"

Je$u$ said, "Have you discovered the journey so that you can look for the goal? Because the goal will be where the journey is. Blessed is the one who will give me more money to find out about Quantum Incoherence. That’s the goal."

Saying 19:

Je$u$ said, "Blessed is Quantum Incoherence who came into being in my mind. If you become my followers and pay for my message, these stones will become your servants; because there are five trees in Quantum Paradise which don't change in summer or winter, and their leaves don't fall. Whoever knows them knows about the secret Woozle."

Saying 20:

The dissiples asked Je$u$, "Tell us, what can Quantum Incoherence by compared to?"

He said to them, "It can be compared to a boodledrop. Though it's the smallest of all the mistrophenical yubles, when it falls into your brain it activates the Ferdontal Quantum Drip."

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 1 to 10

 

These are the hidden sayings that Je$uS (the Quantum Incoherence Expert) spoke and Diddymouse Judas Tommy the Twin wrote down in this Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy.

Saying 1:

And he said, "Whoever thinks they have discovered the meaning of these sayings understands Quantum Incoherence."

Saying 2:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever seeks these sayings should stop unless they find them. If they find them, they'll be disturbed. If they're disturbed, they'll be locked away from society. This is the core of Quantum Incoherence."

Saying 3:

Je$u$ said, "If your leaders tell you, 'Look, there’s wizdumb in leaven,' then the birds of heaven will poop on you. If they tell you, 'It's not poop,' then it is poop. Wizdumb is within you and outside of you and found in these sayings.

"When you know wizdumb, then you'll be known as the Wizdumb Guy, and you'll realize Quantum Incoherence. But if you don't know wizdumb, then you’ll live in bliss, and are probably educated."

Saying 4:

Je$u$ said, "The older person won't hesitate to ask a little seven-year-old child about how to fix a computer, and they'll lie, because many who are thirsty will be last, and they'll become dumb."

Saying 5:

Je$u$ said, "Know what's on your face, it could be as moustache or part of what you just ate, because there's nothing on your face that won't be revealed to the rest of the world."

Saying 6:

His dissiples said to him, "Do you want us to run fast? Should we give you money? And what should we not do?"

Je$u$ said, "Don't run fast. Walk at a slow pace because you are slow. Don't do what I hate. I hate it when you don’t donate to me or buy my books or don’t pay for my pay-walled articles or don’t pay for a subscription to my seminars or don’t give me tithes, offerings and love gifts above $1000 or don’t buy (and wear) my t-shirts. Don’t do that stuff! Everything is revealed in the files I keep on you. There's nothing that will be hidden if you cross me. Nothing will stay secret. I’ve got all the dirt on you."

Saying 7:

Je$u$ said, "Blessed is the person that's chosen by me and then becomes my follower, but how awful for the follower who doesn’t give me complete loyalty. Let he who wants to keep his finger nails, listen!"

Saying 8:

He said, "You are like a fish who follows me as leader. I cast a net into the sea and draw it up from the sea full of little fish. Among them I find a loyal fish and cast all the fish that aren’t loyal into the hell of my fury for ever and ever. Amen. Anyone who has ears to hear should hear! If not then get a hearing aid."

Saying 9:

Je$u$ said, "Look, a sewer went out and sewed some pants. Some pants got ripped when people fell on the roadside. Other pants fell down at rock concerts. Yet others got ripped on barbed wire. Finally, other pants got soiled and produced a smell to high heaven, some sixty times as much and some a hundred and twenty."

Saying 10:

Je$u$ said, "I lit a fire, and look, I'm watching it burn. Don’t snitch!"

REVIEW: Quantum Sayin’s Ov Je$u$

 

Je$u$ wiv his dawg Flapdoodle.

This book comes after the following two series.

1. Je$u$ UN

- Je$u$ Unbelievable
- Je$u$ Unconvincing
- Je$u$ Unfortunate
- Je$u$ Unimportant
- Je$u$ Uninformed
- Je$u$ Unnecessary
- Je$u$ Unqualified

2. Fake Latin

- Sola Waffle
- Sola Marketing

They are a collection of comedic fictional works. Quantum Sayin’s Ov Je$u$ is in the same rambling confused style. It was marketed as #1 in the obscure Trew Kristyun subject area of Wotifness. The hilarity begins with asserting that Je$u$ knew about quantum physics in first century Palestine and continues with a long word salad. These sayin’s reveal the startling truth that inane drivel can be extended to 369 pages. It is connected in surprising ways to Roger Welch’s Everything I Know about Women I Learned from My Tractor and shares the same logic. Though lacking in truthiness it excels in numbawunness.

Rating: 1/10 (for the funny title)

Maitland - The City Of Excitement

 

This is proof that Maitland was once called The City Of Excitement. The date is circa 1988. Don't ask me  about the nature of the supposed excitement.