The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 111 to 114

 

Saying 111:

Je$u$ said, "When you know the secret to Quantun Incoherence then the xiffy treckloof will zip around the quertiferous bingbong in front of you, and whoever lives to tell the tale will be blessed."

Saying 112:

Je$u$ said, "What the hell am I saying? Doc, give me more of those pills!”


Saying 113:

His dissiples said to him, "When will the police come?"

"They won't come unless some disloyal Quantum Incoherent Follower snitches on me. But the Quantum Incoherence protection Team ensures that never happens. Let those who want to keep their toes, listen."

Saying 114:

Simone Peta said to them, "Mary should leave us, because she’s a bitch."

Je$u$ said, "Look, I don’t care about bitches if they are loyal Trew Quantum Incoherence Followers who buy my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts. Nothing else matters."

THE END
of
The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 101 to 110

 

Saying 101:

"Whoever doesn't place their ageing father and mother into a nursing home in order to have much more time to sell more of my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts, isn’t a loyal Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower."

Saying 102:

Je$u$ said, "How awful for those who don’t buy my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts. They won’t be blessed by Quantum Incoherence."

Saying 103:

Je$u$ said, "Blessed are those who know Quantum Incoherence. They can get defend it with quotes from my books, my pay-walled articles and my t-shirts”

Saying 104:

They said to Je$u$, "Come, let's go and get pissed today."

Je$u$ said, "Whose paying?”

They said "We are.”

So Je$u$ and the dissiples went and got pissed.

Saying 105:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever steals money before it’s put in the Quantum Incoherence Bank Account will be called a bastard."

Saying 106:

Je$u$ said, "When you make the two into one, and the three into six, then seven ate nine and ... Wow! Did you see that flying unicorn?"

He was off his face that day.

Saying 107:

Je$u$ said, "Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd can be compared to a shepherd who had a hundred sheep and then got a million more."

Saying 108:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever iuly rewing ou oh dafgeh jey herb ik oun piggy wiggy ....”

He was off his face that day too.

Saying 109:

Je$u$ said, "Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd can be compared to someone who had a treasure hidden in their backyard. No-one knew about. Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd wants it that way forever."

Saying 110:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever has won the lottery and become rich should donate it to Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd."

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 91 to 100

 

Saying 91:

They said to him, "Tell us what this is in your painting."

He said to them, "You read the face of the sky and the earth, but you don't know what a tree and cloud are? It’s a tree and a cloud! I’m going to sign my painting and put it up in the Quantum Incoherence Art Gallery."

Saying 92:

Je$u$ said, "Look, I didn't answer your questions before and I’m not answering them now. I’m not giving away advice for free. Buy my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts to find out the answers."

Saying 93:

"I don't give a shit about your opinion. Throw it on the manure pile. Don't bother with me with stuff that doesn’t advance Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd."

Saying 94:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever knocks on my door with a large donation for Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd will be gladly received and I will open the door to receive the cash. All the rest can knock on my door for hours on end and I won’t answer. Don't bother with me with stuff that doesn’t advance Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd."

Saying 95:

Je$u$ said, "If you have money that you want to invest then invest it at Quantum Incoherence Investment Fund. After 10 years you might get some of it back in the form of a free t-shirt."

Saying 96:

Je$u$ said, "Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd can be compared to a woman who took a powder and snorted it. Anyone who has a nose to blow should blow it!"

Saying 97:

Je$u$ said, "Disloyal Quantum Incoherence Followers can be compared to a bag of dog shit from a dog with diarrhoea. While the man was walking down a long long road, the bag broke and the dog shit spilled out all over the place and over him. The moral of this story is don’t be a little shit!"

Saying 98:

Je$u$ said, "A Disloyal Quantum Incoherence Follower can be compared to a man who farted in a crowded elevator. I don’t want to be near him!"

Saying 99:

The dissiples said to him, "Your sons and daughters are standing outside."

He said to them, "How do you know? I refused to do a paternity test. Call in the Quantum Incoherence Protection Team!"

Saying 100:

They showed Je$u$ a gold coin and said to him, "Those who own it want it back.”

He said to them, "Blessed are those who donate to Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd whether they want to or not. Place it in this bag of donated cash and stay quiet.”

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 81 to 90

 Saying 81:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever has become rich should give it to me, and whoever has power should use it to help Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd."

Saying 82:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever is near me is near Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd , and whoever is far from me doesn’t know the truth of Quantum Incoherence."

Saying 83:

Je$u$ said, "Photos are good for Quantum Incoherence memes on social media, but sometimes they need to be photo-shopped."

Saying 84:

Je$u$ said, "Rejoice when you see your photo on a Quantum Incoherence page. But when you see your photo mocked on a Quantum Incoherence satire page then block it!"

Saying 85:

Je$u$ said, "I didn’t become what I am without lots of work and the inspiration of the pyramid in Egypt. If you have a go, you get a go. If you got money, it goes to me."

Saying 86:

Je$u$ said, "The foxes have dens and the birds have nests, and I have a gold plated penthouse.”

Saying 87:

Je$uS said, "How miserable am I when I haven’t sold many my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts on a particular day. Help me out and repost my ads. "

Saying 88:

Je$u$ said, "People will come to you and give you what belongs to me. You'll give that to me. What’s there’s is mine, what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine.'"

Saying 89:

Je$u$ said, "Why do you wash the wine glass after you drank from it? Through it away and use a new one. That’s what I do. "

Saying 90:

Je$u$ said, "Come to me and my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts to prove that you are a loyal Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower. You'll be blessed!"

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 71 to 80

 

Saying 71:

Je$u$ said, "I'll destroy all incriminating evidence about me, and no one will be able to find it. I pay good money for any such material. Contact me. I can also pay in crypto-coin or I can send the Quantum Incoherence Protection Team to visit your enemy for a little chat."

Saying 72:

Someone said to him, "Tell my brothers to divide our inheritance with me."

He said to him, “Only if I get 50% since they are not Trew Quantum Incoherence Followers."

He turned to his dissiples and said to them, “I’m really a multiplier for Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd."

Saying 73:

Je$u$ said, "The potential for the profit of Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd is unlimited, but Trew Quantum Incoherence Followers are few. So flood social media with Quantum Incoherence and make lots of Trew Quantum Incoherence Followers."

Saying 74:

He said, "Many are gathered at the bar, but there's nothing to drink. Who forgot to stock up the Quantum Incoherence Bar?"

Saying 75:

Je$u$ said, "Many are waiting at the Quantum Incoherence Seminar door, but only those who pay will enter the buiklding."

Saying 76:

Je$u$ said, "Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd can be compared to a multi-national company which found a way to make money. As Trew Quantun Incoherence Followers you, too, can sell my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts for the greater glory of Quantum Incoherence."

Saying 77:

Je$u$ said, "I'm all over social media thanks to Quantum Incoherence Marketing. Open your page; I'm there."

Saying 78:

Je$u$ said, "What did you go onto social media to see? A favourite page? Connect with a friend? Tough luck. I’m plastered all over social media to advertise my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts."

Saying 79:

A woman in the crowd said to him, "Blessed am I to have met you!”

He said to her, "Blessed are those who have listened to the message of Quantum Incoherence! How many of my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts do you own?'"

Saying 80:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever has found the hidden bodies better keep quiet!"

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 61 to 70

 

Saying 61:

Je$u$ said, "Two will rest on a couch. One will vomit all over the place, the other will burp."

Salami Sam said, "Who are you, Sir, to climb onto my couch and either vomit or burp?"

Je$u$ said to her, "I'm the Quantum Incoherence Expert."

Salami Sam said, "I'm a Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower. Puke or belch whenever, or wherever, you want."

Saying 62:

Je$u$ said, "I tell my mysteries of Quantum Incoherence to those who pay the right price. Don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing unless you are cutting something with a sharp knife. Then they definitely need to be co-ordinated."

Saying 63:

Je$u$ said, "There was a rich man who had much money. He said, 'I'll use my money to sow, reap, plant, and fill my barns with fruit, so that I won't need anything.' That's what he was thinking to himself, but he died that very night. Anyone who has money or expensive items should give it to me right now before you die!"

Saying 64:

Je$u$ said, "Someone planned an expensive piss up. They sent out invitations to important people like me. They hired bouncers so no riffraff could get in. Unfortunately this meant no Trew Quantum Incoherence Followers with less than $1,000,000 donation were admitted. We had a great time. Expensive things were eaten, drunk and snorted. I don’t remember much.”

Saying 65:

He said, "I owned a vineyard. I leased it out to some sharecroppers to work it so I could collect rent and a large Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd donation for protection.

I sent my accountant so that the sharecroppers could give him the cash. They seized my accountant, beat him, and nearly killed him.

"Then I sent my Quantum Incoherence Protection Team, thinking, 'Maybe they'll show some respect to my thugs … er ... Quantum Incoherence Protection Team .'

"Because they knew about my Quantum Incoherence Protection Team, they handed the cash over immediately.

“Remember that the Quantum Incoherence Protection Team works better than accountants.

Anyone who has half a brain should use it!"

Saying 66:

Je$u$ said, "Show me the iphone I threw away because it didn’t work. I want to completely destroy it so that there’s no incriminating evidence left on it."

Saying 67:

Je$u$ said, "I know everything because I went to the School of Hard Knocks and the University of Life. I’m the Quantum Incoherence Expert. Buy my books, articles, seminars and t-shirts."

Saying 68:

Je$u$ said, "Blessed are you when you start rumours and spread gossip about those who mock Quantum Incoherence. You can get a 10% discount for one item from my books, articles, seminars and t-shirts."

Saying 69:

Je$u$ said, "Blessed are those who block people on social media who mock Quantum Incoherence. You can also get a 10% discount for one item from my books, articles, seminars and t-shirts."

Saying 70:

Je$u$ said, "If you give birth to what's within you, it may just be a fart but a stifled fart can kill you."

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 51 to 60

 Saying 51:

His dissiples said to him, "When will we have rest?"

He said to them, "When you have each contributed over $1,000,000 in profit for Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd. Remember you are special Trew Quantum Incoherence Followers and can only remain in that category if you remain loyal to me.”

Saying 52:

His dissiples said to him, "Twenty-four thousand people have spoken on the Nonsense Fact Checker page, and they all spoke ill of you."

He said to them, "Don’t read that rubbish. They’re just jealous because only I know everything about Quantum Incoherence. Tell them to buy my books, articles, seminars and t-shirts on Quantum Incoherence.”

Saying 53:

His dissiples said to him, "Is circumnavigation around the truth useful, or not?"

He said to them, "Circumnavigation around the truth is always useful as I can tell everyone that my latest book is #1 on Amazon when it is really # 766,554,587,874,536. That way people buy my books! Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd matters more than the truth"

Saying 54:

Je$u$ said, "Blessed are those who are poor if they have given all their money to Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd."

Saying 55:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever doesn't financially support Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd. isn't loyal to me and is not worthy of my counselling in this book."

Saying 56:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever has known me knows that I am a profit prophet skilled in the art of Quantum Incoherence Marketing."

Saying 57:

Je$u$ said, "Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd can be compared to a pyramid in Egypt. Remember that you have to remain loyal to me to be a Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower. Loyalty means buying buy my books, articles, seminars and t-shirts."

Saying 58:

Je$u$ said, "Blessed are the people who get me out of a lot of trouble. That’s my dodgy lawyer and accountant!"

Saying 59:

Je$u$ said, "When you are dead you are dead and you are no longer a Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower unless you leave all your inheritance to me."

Saying 60:

They saw a farmer carrying a lamb to the back of his shed. He said to his dissiples, "What do you think he's going to do with that lamb?"

They said to him, "He's going to kill it and eat it."

He said to them, "While it's living, he won't eat it, but only after he kills it and it becomes a corpse."

They said, "He can't do it any other way."

He said to them, "All things are probable. Only believe! Haven’t you seen Scotty’s Raw Chicken Curry?”