PRAYER ON THE OCCASION OF UTTER BOREDOM IN CHURCH
This service is so dull that I think I must be dead. But if it be, Lord, by your grace and favour, that I am not in fact dead - merely stunned into mind-numbing oblivion by the overall tedium, and general inconsequentiality of the proceedings - grant your servant this: grant that the Vicar becomes 'called up yonder'* to that 'place which you have prepared for him' right away ... if that not be too forward a request, of course.
* Note: For those whose theologies allow, "raptured" may be substituted here.
From Martin Wroe & Adrian Reith "101 Things to Do With a Dull Church: the Complete Guide For the Bored Again Christian" (Minstrel, Eastbourne, E. Sussex: 1989) pp 32-33.