The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 41 to 50

 

Saying 41:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever has something in their bank account should give me more, but whoever doesn't have anything can’t be a Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower."

Saying 42:

Je$u$ said, "Become a Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower."

Saying 43:

His dissiples said to him, "Who are you to say these things to us?"

"Don't you realize who I am from what I say to you? I am the Quantum Incoherence Expert. No-one comes to Quantum Incoherence except through me."

Saying 44:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever laughs at Quantum Incoherence will not be forgiven and will be blocked on social media.”

Saying 45:

Je$u$ said, "Grapes are good for wine and hops is good for beer. As Quantum Incoherence Expert I deserve the best of both. Make sure that you buy my books, articles and seminars."

Saying 46:

Je$u$ said, "No one's been born who's so much greater than Elvis. But I say that whoever among you will donate more than a million dollars to me will become greater than Elvis. I’ll even throw in a free Quantum Incoherence t-shirt signed by me!"

Saying 47:

Je$u$ said, "It's not possible for anyone to know as much as I do about Quantum Incoherence, and it's not possible for any Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower to know more than me, because I’m the Quantum Incoherence Expert.

"No one drinks corked wine unless they are an alcoholic. I only drink the best.

"I also don’t wear old clothes. I only wear the best!"

Saying 48:

Je$u$ said, "If lots of you buy my new book on Quantum Incoherence then it will be #1 on Amazon in Incoherence. Wowsers!”

Saying 49:

Je$u$ said, "Blessed are those who buy my new book on Quantum Incoherence. Let’s make it #1 on Amazon in Incoherence!"

Saying 50:

Je$u$ said, "If they ask you, 'Where did Je$u$ come from?' tell them, 'He came from Alabama where he was a Pasta of a large Italian take-away food van in which he lived. He wasn’t making much money from it and eventually had a glorious vision. This was the Quantum Incoherence Vision! He gathered 12 dissiples together and they formed Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd. He now sells Quantum Incoherence books, articles, seminars and t-shirts. You can book him to speak at your organisation, home, school, church, circus, zoo, brothel or whatever. As long as you can pay his appearance fee he doesn’t mind where he speaks.”

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 31 to 40

 

Saying 31:

Je$u$ said, "No accountant is welcome in the Quantum Incoherence Community unless they are a Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower. These are the only people who are Trew Quantum Incoherence Accountants."

Saying 32:

Je$u$ said, "A Quantum Incoherence Bank Account can be hidden in an offshore account."

Saying 33:

Je$u$ said, "What you hear with one ear, see with both eyes, then post memes on you social media. No Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower fails to post all my advertisements about my books, my pay-walled articles, my subscriptions to my seminars and my t-shirts. Rather, they plaster social media with it. Repetition is good and a way to show that you are loyal."

Saying 34:

Je$u$ said, "If someone who's blind claims to read my books out aloud for someone else who's blind, then they are not Trew Quantum Incoherence Followers. They should buy my audible books."

Saying 35:

Je$u$ said, "No one can steal my books, pay-walled articles, seminars and t-shirts because they are all copyrighted. Making fun of the Quantum Incoherence System is also forbidden. No Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower would do that!"

Saying 36:

Je$u$ said, "Don't be anxious from morning to evening or from evening to morning about what you'll eat. Giving to the Quantum Incoherence Pty Ltd is far more important that eating."

Saying 37:

His dissiples said, "When will you appear to us? When will we see you?"

Je$u$ said, "Bloody hell! We’ve been through this before. I’m bloody standing in front of you bastards. Open up your eyes!"

His dissipole opened up their eyes and, lo and behold, Je$u$ was standing right in front of them.

Loony Luke said, “It’s a Quantum Incoherence Miracle!”

Je$u$’ dissiples all agreed and sang Je$u$ Jingles for the next two hours.

Saying 38:

Je$u$ said, "Often you've wanted to hear this message that I'm telling you, and you don't have anyone else from whom to hear it. There will be days when bastards will tell you that Quantum Incoherence is nonsense. Don’t believe them. You can only find the truth in my books, articles and seminars."

Saying 39:

Je$u$ said, "Scholars have taken knowledge and hidden it is some place called a Younaversitty. Don’t bother going there. Pay for my books, articles and seminars instead."

Saying 40:

Je$u$ said, "Someone wrote a book laughing at Quantum Incoherence! It’s not fair! Laughing causing the Quantum Incoherence Finance System to collapse!"

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 21 to 30

 

Saying 21:

Marybelle said to Je$u$, "Whom are your dissiples like?"

He said, "They're like little children squabbling in squalor. They never grow up but fully embrace Quantum Incoherence. They'll say, 'Boo hoo! Give me more Quantun Incoherence because I haven’t got enough!' They'll strip their brains bare in their Quantum Incoherence Deconstruction.

"So I say that if the owner of the house realizes the bandit is coming, they'll watch out beforehand and won't let the bandit break into the house of their domain and steal their possessions. You, then, watch out for anyone who is not a Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower! Prepare to defend yourself with platitudes, memes and denials so you always win even if you lose. May Quantum Incoherence prosper!

"When the Quantum Incoherence takes root it’s followers rejoice. Anyone who has ears to hear should hear! Don’t do a Vincent Van Gogh!"

Saying 22:

Je$u$ saw some children cursing. He said to his dissiples, "These cursing children can be compared to those who enter the Quantum Incoherence Kingdom."

They said to him, "Then we'll enter the Quantum Incoherence Kingdom as children because we curse a lot?"

Je$u$ said to them, "When you make the two Quantum Mizookles into one, and make the inner belly button like the outer belly button and the outer belly button like the inner belly button, and the upper dentures like the lower dentures, and so make the Quantum Xerpiles a single one so that no-one knows the difference; when you put your foot in your mouth to activate the Quantum Assnerbs; then you'll enter the Quantum Incoherence Kingdom."

Saying 23:

Je$u$ said, "I chose you, one out of a thousand and two out of ten thousand, and you’ll remain loyal Quantum Incoherence Followers or else!"

Saying 24:

His dissiples said, "Show us the place where you are, because we need to look for it."

He said to them, "Anyone who has eyes to see should see! I’m standing right in front of you. If you can’t see me than get some glasses!"

Saying 25:

Je$u$ said, "Love your Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower brother as your own bank account. Lie, cheat and obfuscate for them."

Saying 26:

Je$u$ said, "You see the wealth that's in your Trew Quantum Follower’s bank account, but you don't see them giving lots of money to me. Remind them of their loyalty to me otherwise the Quantum Incoherence Finance System won’t work."

Saying 27:

"If you don't attend every seminar that I hold, and buy all my books, my pay-walled articles and subscriptions to my seminars, and buy my t-shirts, then you won't find Quantum Incoherence. If you don't make make lots of money to give to me, you are not a loyal Trew Quantum Incoherence Follower."

Saying 28:

Je$u$ said, "I stood in the middle of you. I found you all drunk; I didn't find any of you sober. My bank account cried out for more money but you spent it on booze. You made my bank account a little more empty and sad. Sober up and embrace Quantum Incoherence Sober Giving."

Saying 29:

Je$u$ said, "If Quantum Incoherence came into existence because of me, that's amazing. But I'm amazed at how the Quantum Incoherence Finance System came into being based on an idea from the pyramids in Egypt."

Saying 30:

Je$u$ said, "One and one is whatever number I tell you it is. This is the truth of Quantum Incoherence Mathematical Accounting used by my accountants."

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 11 to 20

 

Saying 11:

Je$u$ said, "Your favourite TV show will disappear, and some others will disappear too. Those who are dead aren't alive, and some of those who are living are brain dead. In the days when you ate what was dead, you made sure it wasn’t rotting. When you're ice-cream is left in the sunlight, what will you do? On the day when you try to eat one, it will dribble everywhere and make a mess. But when you become my loyal follower and donate to me, buy my books, pay for my pay-walled articles, pay for a subscription to my seminars, give me tithes, offerings and love gifts above $1000 and buy my t-shirts, I’ll become happy. You want to make me happy, don’t you?"

Saying 12:

The dissiples said to Je$u$, "We know don’t know where you're going to lead us to. Where are we headed?"

Je$u$ said to them, "Wherever you get to that’s where I’ve led you. You don’t have to worry about that. Just loyally follow me and Quantum Incoherence."

Saying 13:

Je$u$ said to his dissiples, "If you were to compare me to someone, who would you say I'm like?"

Simone Peta said to him, "You're like a Quantum Megachurch Pastor."

Je$u$ took her aside and told her something special because she was special. When Simone Peta returned to her companions, they asked, "What did Je$u$ say to you?"

Simone Peta said to them, "It’s none of your business.”

Je$u$ said, “Let’s all agree that it’s none of your business.”

And they all said “Amen!” and sang Je$u$ Jingles for the next hour.

Saying 14:

Je$u$ said to them, "If you fast, you'll have more money to give to me; and if you don’t give money to me, you'll be condemned; and if you make donations, I’ll be happy.

"If they welcome you when you enter any land and go around in the countryside, say hello, eat whatever you can pinch, because it doesn’t matter if you don’t get caught. If you get caught then deny everything. This is one of my 98,765,474,406,754 greatest commandments."

Saying 15:

Je$u$ said, "When you see the human who wasn't born of a woman, then its probably an a hallucination and you’ve taken the wrong pill.”

Saying 16:

Je$u$ said, "Maybe people think that I've come to cast peace on the world, and they don't know that I've come to cast divisions on the earth against anyone who is woke. A woke person is anyone I don’t like. Where there are five woke people in a house, I’ll kick them out if I’m their landlord. They'll pack their bags and be gone."
Saying 17:

Je$u$ said, "I'll sell you a Quantum Incoherence that no eye has ever seen, no ear has ever heard, no hand has ever touched, and no human mind has ever thought. I’m the greatest Quantum Incoherence Guru."

Saying 18:

The dissiples said to Je$u$, "Tell us about our goal. What is it?"

Je$u$ said, "Have you discovered the journey so that you can look for the goal? Because the goal will be where the journey is. Blessed is the one who will give me more money to find out about Quantum Incoherence. That’s the goal."

Saying 19:

Je$u$ said, "Blessed is Quantum Incoherence who came into being in my mind. If you become my followers and pay for my message, these stones will become your servants; because there are five trees in Quantum Paradise which don't change in summer or winter, and their leaves don't fall. Whoever knows them knows about the secret Woozle."

Saying 20:

The dissiples asked Je$u$, "Tell us, what can Quantum Incoherence by compared to?"

He said to them, "It can be compared to a boodledrop. Though it's the smallest of all the mistrophenical yubles, when it falls into your brain it activates the Ferdontal Quantum Drip."

The Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy - Sayings 1 to 10

 

These are the hidden sayings that Je$uS (the Quantum Incoherence Expert) spoke and Diddymouse Judas Tommy the Twin wrote down in this Quantum Incoherence Gospel of Tommy.

Saying 1:

And he said, "Whoever thinks they have discovered the meaning of these sayings understands Quantum Incoherence."

Saying 2:

Je$u$ said, "Whoever seeks these sayings should stop unless they find them. If they find them, they'll be disturbed. If they're disturbed, they'll be locked away from society. This is the core of Quantum Incoherence."

Saying 3:

Je$u$ said, "If your leaders tell you, 'Look, there’s wizdumb in leaven,' then the birds of heaven will poop on you. If they tell you, 'It's not poop,' then it is poop. Wizdumb is within you and outside of you and found in these sayings.

"When you know wizdumb, then you'll be known as the Wizdumb Guy, and you'll realize Quantum Incoherence. But if you don't know wizdumb, then you’ll live in bliss, and are probably educated."

Saying 4:

Je$u$ said, "The older person won't hesitate to ask a little seven-year-old child about how to fix a computer, and they'll lie, because many who are thirsty will be last, and they'll become dumb."

Saying 5:

Je$u$ said, "Know what's on your face, it could be as moustache or part of what you just ate, because there's nothing on your face that won't be revealed to the rest of the world."

Saying 6:

His dissiples said to him, "Do you want us to run fast? Should we give you money? And what should we not do?"

Je$u$ said, "Don't run fast. Walk at a slow pace because you are slow. Don't do what I hate. I hate it when you don’t donate to me or buy my books or don’t pay for my pay-walled articles or don’t pay for a subscription to my seminars or don’t give me tithes, offerings and love gifts above $1000 or don’t buy (and wear) my t-shirts. Don’t do that stuff! Everything is revealed in the files I keep on you. There's nothing that will be hidden if you cross me. Nothing will stay secret. I’ve got all the dirt on you."

Saying 7:

Je$u$ said, "Blessed is the person that's chosen by me and then becomes my follower, but how awful for the follower who doesn’t give me complete loyalty. Let he who wants to keep his finger nails, listen!"

Saying 8:

He said, "You are like a fish who follows me as leader. I cast a net into the sea and draw it up from the sea full of little fish. Among them I find a loyal fish and cast all the fish that aren’t loyal into the hell of my fury for ever and ever. Amen. Anyone who has ears to hear should hear! If not then get a hearing aid."

Saying 9:

Je$u$ said, "Look, a sewer went out and sewed some pants. Some pants got ripped when people fell on the roadside. Other pants fell down at rock concerts. Yet others got ripped on barbed wire. Finally, other pants got soiled and produced a smell to high heaven, some sixty times as much and some a hundred and twenty."

Saying 10:

Je$u$ said, "I lit a fire, and look, I'm watching it burn. Don’t snitch!"

REVIEW: Quantum Sayin’s Ov Je$u$

 

Je$u$ wiv his dawg Flapdoodle.

This book comes after the following two series.

1. Je$u$ UN

- Je$u$ Unbelievable
- Je$u$ Unconvincing
- Je$u$ Unfortunate
- Je$u$ Unimportant
- Je$u$ Uninformed
- Je$u$ Unnecessary
- Je$u$ Unqualified

2. Fake Latin

- Sola Waffle
- Sola Marketing

They are a collection of comedic fictional works. Quantum Sayin’s Ov Je$u$ is in the same rambling confused style. It was marketed as #1 in the obscure Trew Kristyun subject area of Wotifness. The hilarity begins with asserting that Je$u$ knew about quantum physics in first century Palestine and continues with a long word salad. These sayin’s reveal the startling truth that inane drivel can be extended to 369 pages. It is connected in surprising ways to Roger Welch’s Everything I Know about Women I Learned from My Tractor and shares the same logic. Though lacking in truthiness it excels in numbawunness.

Rating: 1/10 (for the funny title)

Maitland - The City Of Excitement

 

This is proof that Maitland was once called The City Of Excitement. The date is circa 1988. Don't ask me  about the nature of the supposed excitement.