Questions for Christians with a "personal relationship" with Jesus

How do Christians have a "personal relationship" with Jesus and get to know Jesus? They read the bible.

Just how "personal" is this "relationship"? Some questions for Christians ...

What is the exact colour of Jesus' eyes and hair? Exactly how tall is Jesus and how much does he weigh? Does Jesus talk to you in an audible voice and tell you what to do? (Do you suffer from Schizophrenia?) Does Jesus communicate in intelligble ideas? (Such as giving you the cure for cancer. Have you asked Jesus to give you the cure for cancer? What did he say?) What language does Jesus speak ? (If Aramaic as the historical Jesus spoke, how do you understand and know Aramaic? If Jesus speaks English, and you have a personal relationship with Jesus, how and when did Jesus learn English?) Does Jesus come over to your place in the flesh and have a beer with you? (Since you have a "personal relationship" with Jesus you should know which beer he likes to drink. Which brand of beer does Jesus drink?) Does Jesus write personal correspondence addressed only to you and no-one else? Is it written by Jesus' own hand or does Jesus own a computer and has printed it off or sent it by email? (Since you have a personal relationship with Jesus does Jesus use IBM or a Mac? What is Jesus' personal email address?)

Can I, living in the 21st century, have a "personal relationship" with Julius Caesar (July 100 BC – 15 March 44 BCE) by reading his "Gallic Wars"? Just how "personal" would that relationship be? Would Julius Caesar have personally known me?