Wednesday

TRUE CHRISTIAN FLAME FORM

Dear True Christian

Kissy kissy! Now you pucker up and greet me with a kiss. (Romans 6:16; 1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians 13:12; I Thessalonians 5:26; 1 Peter 5:14.)

I am refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. You make silence a wonderful thing to look forward to. However I took exception to your recent scribble

It was:
[X] backmasked with Satanic messages
[X] Pagan
[X] New Age
[X] unChristian
[X] Secular Humanist
[X] written in King James English
[X] written in tongues and did not include the interpretation

Your attention is drawn to the fact that:
[X] You flamed the Archbishop of Canterbury
[X] You flamed the Pope
[X] You flamed God
[X] You contradicted Jesus
[X] You contradicted yourself several times
[X] You mindlessly chanted the Pente Mantra several times
[X] You repeatedly assumed unwarranted spiritual, moral or intellectual superiority

It is recommended that you:
[X] Buy an indulgence from me.
[X] Send me a triple tithe.
[X] Do penance.
[X] Devote your life to missionary work in Iraq and Afghanistan.
[X] Start up a Christian Clown Ministry

QUESTIONS TO UNDERSTAND YOU BETTER:

[X] Jesus said in Matthew 5:42, "Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away." May I have your house and car and may I borrow your most prized possession?
[X] Can I have your car after the Rapture?
[X] Have you ever sinned by eating rabbit, pork, shellfish (Leviticus 11:4, 7, 10)?
[X] Have you ever sinned by wearing clothes made of two types of material (Leviticus 19:19; Deuteronomy 22:11)?
[X] Have you ever sinned by cutting your hair (Leviticus 19:27)?
[X] Were you in the special class at school?
[X] Are you from the shallow end of the gene pool?
[X] Do you want fries with that?

Please save this message and review it occasionally to determine your progress toward being:

[X] a tolerable Trew Kristyun
[X] a fully-functional human being
[X] integrated into humanity
[X] re-integrated into the wild

If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're practically invulnerable.

Thank you for taking the time to read this flame form.

Remember: Always carry your Trew Kristyun Poop Stick - Deuteronomy 23:12 -13 "You are to have a place outside the camp where you can go when you need to relieve yourselves. Carry a stick as a part of your equipment,
so when you have a bowel movement you can dig a hole and cover it up."