Saturday

CHRISTIAN PROMO & SALES ADD ONS

The Promo is "Accept Jesus into your heart and get the free gift of salvation. The End."

When you accept the Promo you get lumbered with the "Sales Add Ons"

- Join the church to sing Jesus Jingle muzak and listen to a Sermoan each week.
- Join Bible Study
- Join Prayer meetings
- Join your "club" ... Men's Meeting or Women's meeting depending on your gender (homosexuals and transgendered Christians not welcome)
- attend all regularly
- listen to the sermoan and obey ... or else
- pray regularly
- read your bible regularly
- pay your tithes
- pay your offerings
- pay your love gifts
- volunteer for unpaid work at the church
- evangelise others
- don't attend other churches, they aren't spiritual like we are
- don't associate with your former friends and family if they are not Trew Kristyuns
- don't participate in art works that are not sanctioned by this church ... bans may be applicable on certain books, films, music, dance ... check with the pastor
- never disagree with your pastor, elders, deacons, or any member of a ministry team ... they are infallible
- vote for conservative Right-wing politicians because the Left is satanic, of the devil, demonic, nonChristian, antiChristian, secular humanist, evilooshunist
- etc etc etc etc

Yawn .......